Spring Happenings

Nationals outfielder, Elijah Dukes, is ready to turn over a new leaf. Uh…wait a minute…actually, in a recent interview the 23 year old said, “from now on you'll probably get a chance to see what the real Elijah Dukes is like.” So, I’m a little confused. Is the real Elijah Dukes the guy who’s been arrested 6 times in 7 years--or, is the real Elijah Dukes the one who left his estranged wife a voice mail last year threatening to kill her kids? Did I mention that her kids are also his kids? Oops.

With all the steroid news lately, I was glad to see Bret Boone finally come clean…for having a drinking problem?? Boone, attempting a comeback with the Nationals, told http://www.mlb.com/ that it got so bad he would drink 12 to 15 beers after a game. “For me, it was an alcohol thing,” Boone said. No, really? I thought the 12-pack you drank every night was so your kids could make money recycling the cans.

Reigning homerun champ and Brewers first baseman, Prince Fielder, has gone vegetarian. According to The Griddle, the 300lb slugger read the book “Skinny Bitch in the Kitch: Kick-Ass Recipes for Hungry Girls Who Want to Stop Cooking Crap (and Start Looking Hot!)” Uh…Prince, is there something else you want to tell us?

While we’re on the topic of hot fat dudes, why won’t anyone sign David Wells?

Word from the Mets camp is that even with the addition of Johan Santana, Pedro Martinez still considers himself the ace of the staff. I’ll remember that in October when Johan wins the Cy Young and Pedro spends 3 months on the DL.

Cardinals Manager, Tony LaRussa, refuses to believe that Mark McGuire used performance-enhancing drugs. This is the same guy who bats his pitchers in the #8 spot, had a recent DUI, and wore a mullet until 2004.

Ok…I just can’t let it go. The best thing about Elijah Dukes is that in 2003 he was the father of two children born eight days apart. Horrific labor for the mother? Or two different baby mama’s? You know the answer….

If you’re anything like me, your name is Matt Toomey and you ate 3 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast today.